We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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