dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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