Your dad touched me again.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
