So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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