Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
