i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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