im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
