Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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