We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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