Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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