You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
