just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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