i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
