Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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