In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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