so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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