My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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