I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
