I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Mom said you looked used
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
soo... how was my night?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
