My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
