her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
