i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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