I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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