we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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