A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
