craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
