Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
