and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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