I think I am morally bankrupt
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
