she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
