we're chasing vodka with high fives
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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