Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
