You really coming over, don't trick.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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