This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
