Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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