I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She's the barista slut.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
