every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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