Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
