why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
