I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
