elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
