so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
