peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
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We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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