Already got asked if we're dating
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
