I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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