so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
