This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
