how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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