Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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