no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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