Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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