come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i barfeds in our rink
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
