Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
