I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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