You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
