I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
