Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
