my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
