He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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