wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
