Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
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you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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