Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
