Plan B is the new Plan A
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
