i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
