Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and she was petting her beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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