Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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