Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
farters have to be the big spoon...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
