Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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