I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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