I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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