I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize