Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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