you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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