Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
