I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
