I cut my penus on the lid.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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