maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
