At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
