having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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